||[21 Jul 2007|01:33pm]
I need a haircut.
||[21 Jul 2007|12:40pm]
So, Im sitting here now, with a blank piece of paper
ready to Jott down all the things I am.
And i came to realise I don't even know who that person is anymore. I don't look at myself the way I did, I don't pull apart my atributes so they can be noted down and later be defined and analysed.
And I tried to write things down, But my pen just wouldn't meet the paper. And so i stopped.
And finally it touched and all I could come up with when asked
" who are you?"
||[14 Jul 2007|12:10pm]
And right now, just for this moment i'm in. Right now. I feel as though there is no one in this world that can ever do what he does, or make me feel like he does, or humble me like he does, or encourage me like he does, or guide me like he does, or strengthen me like he does, or delight in me like he does, or lift me up like he does, or teach me like he does, or inspire me like he does or love me like he does. And then that one moment right there has gone and the same feeling passes through to this new moment that i'm in. and I dare say it will travel to my next million moments because of his incredible grace, and as it repeats it gets stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger. And there is no better thing then that feeling that, and knowing that and trusting that . I believe.
|Well i would
||[09 Jul 2007|05:08pm]
You think i would call just to hear you breathe?
well i would. i really would.
if i could pick up a phone and dial any number and you would pick up and not say a word, just breathe.
That would be enough for me. Just so I know you hear me for sure.
But i have grown this thing called faith.
And its the best thing i have ever known, because even though i cant hear you breathe, i can hear you whisper to me, and i can feel your arms around me, and your presence dancing all around me.
And i know you are there, I know you are.
More then anything in this world, i know.
And i cant wait till i can see your face, and i cant wait till i see you breathe, and i cant wait till i can sit with you and tell you about my day.
But ill listen to your whispers.
and do what i can.
|Everything i need
||[29 Jun 2007|12:13pm]
And it's the times when my hearts so heavy and i'm physically alone and i'm crying like i should be and i just need something more then anyone could possibly offer. Right at that moment when the pain is running from my eyes and my nose, the drops stop dripping and he has taken control .My heart has been taken over, it's all in his hands, The peace only he can offer falls all around me and the more I cry out the more I recieve and the reality of it hits me, He is more then anything I could ever need. And as I sit in his presence as he whispers to me that the world just wants to take me and shake me and break me but they don't know my heart like he does and they don't know my every need like he does and they don't give the feeling that he does and its about living for him with my heart and my soul giving him all the control, or holding on and thinking i know best and constantly being put to the test and its an inevitable thing right, To choose life. Who would i be to not give up, to have my heart broken to be fixed back into place? And its clear to me right at this moment when my heart is heavy and im physically alone and im crying like i should be, that he is everything I need.
||[20 Apr 2007|12:11pm]
Thank you God.
Thank you God for making this world, and making me to be apart of it. Thank you God for the sun and the moon and the stars and the clouds and the rain because they make me happy. Thank you God for human emotion. Thank you God for blessing me so much and giving me beautiful friends and a beautiful family. Thank you God for my church and the people in it. Thank you God for revelations. Thank you God for giving me patience, and clarity, when i need it. Thank you God for the people you place in my life, no matter how small a role they play. Thank you for the people that encourage me and influence me and inspire me. Thank you for never letting me fall so far i cant get up. Thank you God for never leaving me hungry or thirsty or too cold or too hot. Thank you God for giving me a roof over my head wherever i go. Thank you for forgiving me constantly even though i know i dont deserve it. Thank you God for giving me wisdom and a soft heart. Thank you God for the good times and for the bad times. Thank you God for the trials and the tests because they have made me stronger. Thank you God for your mercy and grace. Thank you God for giving me a beautiful country to live in. Thank you God for the little things, the smiles from strangers, the flowers, the birds, the beautiful sunsets. Thank you for reminding me how much you love me constantly. Thank you for reminding me that you are my father and you will never ever fail me. Thank you God for being my constant, my best friend. Thank you for giving me money when i need it. Thank you God for bringing oppertunites in my path. Thank you for giving me joy, and strength when i need it. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for never turning your back on me. Thank you for always loving me.
Thank you God.
||[27 Feb 2007|12:13pm]
I like splashing water on my face till i cant be botherd anymore.
I like making bracelets out of pieces of material and beads.
I like sitting on my trampelene at night time, in a sleeping bag, when its crisp outside and watching the stars.
I like reading my bible in the train and on the bus.
I like making daisy chains and giving them to the first person i see.
I like never being the same, but always the same.
I like knowing that everyone will fail me, it makes me not care so much when they do.
I like not expecting anything from anyone.
I like walking around town on cold days with big jackets and scarfs with a cup of coffee, looking at people and buildings.
I like trying to figure out who someone really is
I like Coke Zero.
I like Knitted beanies and scarfs and cardies.
I like txting people verses.
I like having conversation that never wants to end, but does, and then easily is picked up when the time is there.
I like my friends.
I like that i cant eat everything i want.
I like that i cry alot
I like people, i love people.
I like that everyone is different.
I like photos.
I like t-shirts with random stuff on them.
I like not always having money to do the things i want to do.
I like wearing more then one necklace.
I like finding sweet material and making headbands.
I like cowboy shirts.
I like tattoos and piercings.
I like soft voices. specially laughs.
I like knowing that God is my constant.
I like never having beef with people.
I like being a vegetarian.
I like that boys dont like me.
I like thumbs up.
I like yellowbirds.
I like pretending i can sing.
I like not knowing what im going to say.
I like getting butterflies
I like that i have no fillings.
I like long cardies.
I like tight jeans.
I like owls.
i like bible studies.
I like my cat, Simba.
I like pillows and blankets and sleeping on the floor.
I like burgerfuel.
I like orange hair.
I like tea, in cups so big my face is lost in them
I like sushi.
I like fluro.
I like pulling faces.
I like that im not a stick.
I like that is took me a while to realise that.
I like people giving me flowers.
I like writing people notes.
I like oppshopping.
I like that i wake up everymorning.
I like that my mum still calls me baby.
I like that i am lactose intollerant.
I like that i dont know everyone.
I like glitter.
I like old books and glossy pages.
I like new notebooks.
I like sachel bags.
I like friendship Bracelets.
I like soft music.
I like fairy shops.
I like putting on fake accents when i go into shops.
I like facewash.
I like smelling good.
I like not wearing clean clothes.
I like the sky.
I like basketball singlets.
I like putting dots after everything.
I like c.s.lewis.
I like church.
I like wafer sunglasses.
I like chubby people.
I like jandles.
I like not smoking, or drinking or doing drugs.
I like looking after my mom.
I like talking to people.
I like worship.
I like sleeping in the middle of the day.
I like kind hearts.
I like My God.
I like the cold side of the pillow and the left side of the bed.
I like a boy.
I like deep and meaningfuls.
I like the cold.
I like chai
I like magazine clippings.
I like walking through long grass.
I like climbing trees.
I like fresh crayons.
I like stretched ears.
I like not knowing anyone.
I like Love.
||[16 Oct 2006|10:31am]
i am 18 on the 18th of october. best friends dont forget, or bricks will be thrown from my mini hands to your lovely faces. not even kidding ♥
||[16 Oct 2006|10:21am]
i would like to inform you that i think you are amazing
you have been put in my life for some great reason
and i would never want you to leave it
thank you for showing me so many things
and being such a constant light
you make my heart beat out of my chest
and cry puddles
you make the smile on my face so much bigger
and the indorfene levels in me to sky rocket
you lift me up when i feel i have fallen down
you carry me through troubled times
when my feet didnt even want to touch the ground
you aid every single heart ache i have
you break my heart and and then glue it back together
every piece back into its place
you bore into me how unique and beautiful everysingle soul is
and that light does shine in every person
you shake my every breathe with your constant love
you trial me to build me up not break me down
thank you for not caring that im a total munt
and loving me all the same
thank you for encouraging me to get better
and to keep on going and never give in, even when im so weak
thank you for never putting up barriers for me,
instead you break them down like there nothing to worry about
thank you for showing me nothing but complete love
i appreciate everything you have down for me,
everything you are doing for me
and everything you will do for me.
i love you from the soles of my feet to the hairs on my head
just thought i would inform you
||[16 Oct 2006|12:23am]
i am in love
so so so in love
i am indeed very content with every single thing in my life right now, i know it might change at any minute so im taking hold of this awesome time and making the most of it with the most amazing people i could ever think of, they of course would be my friends
i swear my heart is on the brink of explosion from all the extreme love i have, every second of everyday but God is surely holding it together.
there is most definitly alot more to me then i could ever think to write here, ill think of something witty to reveal how interesting i am tomorow. as for now im happy with this
oh and read romans 8:38-39
||[26 Aug 2006|10:11am]
Sitting in my cosy computer room wearing my dress thats supposed to be a skirt and my new shoes i bought on sale cause they were too good to pass by, the lack of make up today isnt bothering me one bit because its going to help my eyes clear up and a new lot of the stuff will be bought tonight. although im rather unco when it comes to buying and applying make up but i do my best when the time comes.
My heart still feels like its beating out of my little chest, and i am totally overwhelmed by happiness and i just want to shake it off cause its causing my typing to be ugly and not so correct, lucky i can hit the backspace button as fast as i can hit the rest of them.
1000 words spoken last night of not complete sence but total understanding.
And again it comes down to appreciation and talking about this with my little sister last night i realised that there is hardly any of that out there these days. this is such a beautiful world and people are totally taking that for granted, completly breaks my heart.
People fighting over petty little things that can totally be resolved but the fact is people like to have drama in there lives, it makes it interesting and thats so sad.
Its sad to hear about kids not wanting to live anymore and hating themselfs because they dont feel appreciated by the people they call there friends, and feeling like they are a waste of space and are just taking up air another person with more friends can use.
My gosh i wake up and thank god for the rain thats falling or the sun thats shinning and he wind thats blowing, its all beautiful to someone and someone will take comfort in that sort of weather.
Im not sure that this makes sence but i kinda just felt like it had to come out.
This is a big wide beautiful world and its not being appreciated, people are trying so hard to get out of where they are and are totally blunt to the wonderful things around them that people half way across the world would die to see. And if things arent really that great where you are what can you do to make it better?
Your friends are your friends for a reason, you love them and they are great to be around, they are there for you when you need them and when you dont. make sure they know they are totally appreciated, i have had far too many friends do stupid stuff because they didnt know any other way and feeling so low on themselfs they believed it was the only way to either get attention or the easiest way out of feeling like that.
The bad and days are there so that the good days arent taken for granted. the days wherre its rainging and you cant go out and do what you want and its cold and frustrating, there days to stay at home and relax and watch a movie. its what you do about the bad days, you can either be grumpy about it or turn it around and make it an okay day
okay ill finish now
i feel like a bit of a non sence talking motivational speaker that has no clue
but i have points i just dont know how to get them across
im sorry haha i rant far to much for my own good
im now at work and my brothers getting me a chai latte, the sun is warming me and the weight of this blog is now lifted off my shoulders
||[23 Aug 2006|07:04pm]
so sitting yes again drinking my tea, im not on my break this time either, im actually sick puking everywhere. lost 3 kgs in 2 days. not the cool thing to do kiddies. and im sure you definitly had to know all of that. but the point of this blog wasnt to whine about me being sick. its moreso to whine about friendships lost and how hard it is sometimes to let thoes friendships slip away...
i got total heartstabs when i looked at a certain persons profile earlier, we used to talk alot and i would consider him a best friend. but then i guess thing just changed for him? and he just stopped txting me and seeing me and talking to me, after i had helped him out of many a hole in the time i had known him. it was just like he could totally throw it all away like erase *bamm shame myspace friend your gone from my life and i never have to deal with you again* so its not as easy as that because its not myspace. or on the computer at all i think i would have delt with it better if it was but yeah as i said it wasnt.
How abruptedly some people can come in and take your life by storm and make everything so wonderful and just light it, and then when people do they they also have the power to leave and shatter everything like a storm usually does. leaving bits and pieces everywhere and wondering where the heck it all came from?
so i sat there for months and i finally forgot about it untill someone mentioned it and i thought i would be okay but it turns out i wasnt all the annoyed confused emotions came running back to punch me in the face again. and everytime i talk to him i just get so angry, and im not sure that wil ever go away, specially since now when we rarely talk he speaks to me as if we are just myspace friends that you will never meet and wouldnt care to chat to. not even if you wanted to whine about something.
im not sure where this is really going i guess i finally just had to let it all out.
there has been a few times where this has happend, and i just turn into a snobby little so and so to the people just because they hurt me so bad. and i dont even know why? i guess forgive and forget, even if the people think they have done nothing wrong. i just hope i totally impacted there life in some way or another.
On another note i am so so so stoked on the totally amazing frineds i have right now. true blessings on my life im just so hopping they will stay and grow with me cause i really need people like them in my life.
and yeah wanna thank a few people who have really been there for me alot lately,the constants who i have contact with always, the ones that take my life and make it wonderful, so brighten my days and make my heart flutter
Shayla- thank you so much for just busting out of america and becoming my snausage sister, words cant even justify how much you have impacted me. i love you so much
Sam- You make me so so so happy, im glad i have you, i really am, i dont want to loose you ever
Amanda- No one does penutbutter kit kats, picnmix, spooning, deep n meaningfuls, starbucks like you and i my dear. theres so much more but you just delight me
Dan- Oh boy, you you you little babe you! thank you so much for just sticking in my life, only if it is just to see how much you have matured and become an amazing boy, i love you so much kiddo
Gabs- My little sister, i love you most, i can see such amazing things coming from you, thank you for just being there always for me, constantly, without a bad thing to say and you always just make my heart do flips. oh gosh
just because you arent there doesnt mean i dont adore you with everything i have. they have just struck my heart something special
my tea is cold
||[23 Aug 2006|07:03pm]
the reason i have no comments is because i screen them all.
they are for me, not you.
||[20 Aug 2006|10:47am]
i wish i could go back to *we are bbfz cause you like my music taste and your heaps hawt* sometimes. it would make life a whole bunch easier. i wouldnt have to get annoyed when people i have put heaps of time and effort into just snob me off and replace me with a new person. i know this is pathetic but we all are. silly little worries about crap that doesnt matter makes us human. i know i will get crap for this blog probably, but going from getting to know someone and then becoming close with them and sharing heaps of stuff and then all of a sudden not talking and then being called a "b*tchy little crap" cause i say things have changed. hurts alot
i wish i could go back to meaningless friendships that could leave in a minute and i wouldnt care because there was a new BFF around the corner. a new person to do stupid crap with and spend every minute of my time with and then they leave and find another one.
sometimes i wish i was young and so incredibly distanced from the world and values of friendship and feelings and not knowing the real meaning of a friendship.
iknow this is just a stupid little phase i will be over with in 10 minutes
and i will go back to not caring about falling apart from people, cause obviously they werent ment to be my friend, and focusing on the people i really do love and care about completly without a doubt. but right now i feel like being an imature little girl of the world.
( over it.Collapse )
||[11 Jul 2006|11:26am]
the little things
Sitting on such a large comfy chair, in my dark computer room with coke zero on my right and minties on my left.No one at all is talking to me on msn, and when they do i am somehow reaching over to press the escape button and then complaining about the lack of conversation. But i cant say thats what this non sence blog is really about. As i got up to get my slippers on i hear the noise of the little bells on my peasant skirt i bought the first time i went to Hamilton, 2$ at the market down the road from CCC, this put a smile on myface for reasons uknown even by me? but it made me think about the little things in life that warm my heart and make my days just that extra bit special, because usually the little things are also just the personal little joys that no one really talks about.
so to aid my bordum i thought i would just write a few things that i quietly love
The small cups, they make coke zero taste a whole bunch better
Green grass, and the smell of it when it has just been cut.
Going out without straightning my hair and wearing make up, feeling totally comfortable.
My favorite vanilla lip balm, and me not loosing it for over a year
Peanut butter kitkats, but only with amanda at a certain countdown
The material that convers my bible, because it matches my wallet and me so well
The warm heart i get when listening to my favorite music
Finding a line in a song that totally matches how im feeling
Having warm hands on the coldest of days
My friends that live near and far, and getting and sending morning txts from them
Knowing the little things i can do are apreciated by the ones that matter
Sleepingbags, and walking around in them like a catipillar
Deep and meaningfuls when you are half dead but somehow manage to continue conversation till somehow both people fall asleep at the same time
Raglans signs, reminding me that god loves me
Road trips, cause they totally build mean friendships
Snail mail parcels, buying stuff people will totally love and them not knowing what the heck it is.
Waking up early, to find that you can sleep in another few hours and it being so cosy and warm
The sunshining through my curtains in the morning making my beads that hang on my lights shadow
My cat sleeping at the end of my bed everynight makign me feel safe
Seeing my breath when its cold out
Walking down toms round completly oblivious to everything except the leaves on the gound and the trees the border the road
Falling asleep and thanking god for my life without even realising
Writing in my notebook while sitting at starbucks latenights at Lynn Mall
Crying over nothing
Having my nails never match my outfit
My mom making dinner for me
Having my back tickled
Walking down the street and smiling at strrangers and them actually smiling back
Having songs remind me of people
"If its not to late for coffee,
ill be at your place in ten.
We'll hit that all night diner and then we'll see
theres so many things i have to say
Stay up all night ot hear about your day"
like that one.
thats all for now,
shame if you read all of that =]
||[08 May 2006|11:47pm]
||[08 Apr 2006|08:15am]
so i just noticed i have so many people that actually care about me.
even when i think no one is there, someone always is
and i thank the people so much for that
im so content with my life right now
and the people in it
i appreciate you all more then words could even begin to explain
so dont you guys go leaving me.